I'm actually more accurately, a zombie slayer. If you're thinking "Oh god, Leanne's completely bonkers" that's probably because you've never come against a zombie before. You know the reason you don't see zombies around nowadays? It's because I've slayed them all. They keep waking up and I keep hunting them down. Like an 18 year old, Asian, female version of Batman. Actually, it's nothing like Batman at all.
Oh yeah, I am just that bad.
So basically what I'm trying to say is: when I die, who will slay the zombies? I mean, sure everyone will fight them but who - other than me - will be able to slay them? Hence, when I die (peacefully, in my sleep, of natural causes, either really old and have lived a fulfilling life, or young and tragically - either one is pretty cool with me):
Absolutely. Everyone. Is. Fucked.
In the ear.
No seriously, I'm your best and last line against zombies and when I die, you all will have to brace yourself! :D
Just kidding, I'M COMPLETELY SANE *pulls crazy face and drools a little*
But there's one thing I cannot defend humans against. The Justin Bieber apocalypse! Let me just set this straight, I'm not a fan OR a hater, I'm not about to insult his singing (I mean seriously, he's just a kid, give him some leniency) and I'm not going to worship him.
All I'm saying is that he is one of the most powerful "world leaders" of our century. That's right, Justin Bieber has more power and influence than Barack Obama. You know what that means? That means that between the guy who can nuke half the world and start World War III, and the guy who sings pop culture songs, the pop culture guy has more power and influence.
What. The. Hell?
Then again it makes sense, I mean we can kill zombies because they're kind of dead, evil, pointless, lifeless monsters. But Justin Bieber has a legion of fans. Living, evil, pointless, lifeless monsters. The point is that they're living so we can't kill them but they sure as hell can kill us.
In case you're thinking to yourself, "big deal, they're just a bunch of girls", read the following - inevitable - chain of events:
1. Think about all those fan girls.
2. Now imagine that times about 10000000000000000000.
3. Now imagine all of them will probably brutally murder someone if Justin Bieber tells them to.
4. Now imagine Justin Bieber casually mentioning how he would only date a girl who succeeds in destroying the human race (he's an alien you know? A bit like me but shorter).
5. Now imagine those fan girls chasing after you, your friends, your family, basically everyone you'll ever know and love.
6. Now imagine dying.
Finally, the topic of pigeons.
As I awaited the bus to go to uni today, a pigeon was run over by a bus only a few metres in front of me. I jumped back a bit and was overall shocked by what I saw. I won't go into too much detail. Basically a loud snapping sound, a second of panicked flapping, feathers flying and a bloodied patch of bird.
So after jumping back and barely concealing a squeal of shock/fear/something I've never felt before, I looked around and NO ONE gave a damn. Seriously, there was a kid who laughed at it. This kid was probably about 6 years old and he was laughing. He probably didn't understand what happened though - at least I'm going to assume that.
The other pigeons - who were just seconds before eating alongside this err blood thingy on the road - flew back and resumed eating seemingly-invisible food off the road (they didn't eat their "friend" though). You know how they say elephants are one of the few animals capable of displaying sadness when one of their kind dies (like humans), yeah? Pigeons don't.
I mean I didn't expect a bird to start crying and hold an aviary funeral service for the other bird or anything but just eating right next to the corpse of a newly dead bird was pretty... I don't even know my own feelings on the matter.
So then I started analysing why they didn't give a damn. Basically everyone (besides me apparently) has seen a pigeon die before. It's common, nothing really dramatic to cry about.
That's a pretty sad reflection on society people. Seriously dude, that's messed up even by my standards.
Whatever it is that kills us eventually, I will still be sad over a life lost. No matter how often people die, I will always feel grief because of it.
Maybe that means I'll be a crap nurse. Or maybe it just means I'm really just a human.
Woah. Leanne. Fuck that's deep. O_o
Err.. Let's see, how to end this entry on a happy note...
Did you know I'm fluent in Klingon? True story. I've also been referred to as a female version of Spock. This is all from Star Trek people! :) Clearly I'm awesome and anyone will be lucky to have my babies!
See kids? The Apocalypse is a fun place to be! <3
No comments:
Post a Comment