Which apocalypse is most likely to end us all: Zombies, Justin Bieber or Pigeons.

It's a pretty obvious fact that I'm a massive zombie fan.

I'm actually more accurately, a zombie slayer. If you're thinking "Oh god, Leanne's completely bonkers" that's probably because you've never come against a zombie before. You know the reason you don't see zombies around nowadays? It's because I've slayed them all. They keep waking up and I keep hunting them down. Like an 18 year old, Asian, female version of Batman. Actually, it's nothing like Batman at all.

Oh yeah, I am just that bad.



So basically what I'm trying to say is: when I die, who will slay the zombies? I mean, sure everyone will fight them but who - other than me - will be able to slay them? Hence, when I die (peacefully, in my sleep, of natural causes, either really old and have lived a fulfilling life, or young and tragically - either one is pretty cool with me):

Absolutely. Everyone. Is. Fucked.

In the ear.

No seriously, I'm your best and last line against zombies and when I die, you all will have to brace yourself! :D

Just kidding, I'M COMPLETELY SANE *pulls crazy face and drools a little*

But there's one thing I cannot defend humans against. The Justin Bieber apocalypse! Let me just set this straight, I'm not a fan OR a hater, I'm not about to insult his singing (I mean seriously, he's just a kid, give him some leniency) and I'm not going to worship him.

All I'm saying is that he is one of the most powerful "world leaders" of our century. That's right, Justin Bieber has more power and influence than Barack Obama. You know what that means? That means that between the guy who can nuke half the world and start World War III, and the guy who sings pop culture songs, the pop culture guy has more power and influence.

What. The. Hell?

Then again it makes sense, I mean we can kill zombies because they're kind of dead, evil, pointless, lifeless monsters. But Justin Bieber has a legion of fans. Living, evil, pointless, lifeless monsters. The point is that they're living so we can't kill them but they sure as hell can kill us.



In case you're thinking to yourself, "big deal, they're just a bunch of girls", read the following - inevitable - chain of events:

1. Think about all those fan girls.
2. Now imagine that times about 10000000000000000000.
3. Now imagine all of them will probably brutally murder someone if Justin Bieber tells them to.
4. Now imagine Justin Bieber casually mentioning how he would only date a girl who succeeds in destroying the human race (he's an alien you know? A bit like me but shorter).
5. Now imagine those fan girls chasing after you, your friends, your family, basically everyone you'll ever know and love.
6. Now imagine dying.

Finally, the topic of pigeons.

As I awaited the bus to go to uni today, a pigeon was run over by a bus only a few metres in front of me. I jumped back a bit and was overall shocked by what I saw. I won't go into too much detail. Basically a loud snapping sound, a second of panicked flapping, feathers flying and a bloodied patch of bird.

So after jumping back and barely concealing a squeal of shock/fear/something I've never felt before, I looked around and NO ONE gave a damn. Seriously, there was a kid who laughed at it. This kid was probably about 6 years old and he was laughing. He probably didn't understand what happened though - at least I'm going to assume that.

The other pigeons - who were just seconds before eating alongside this err blood thingy on the road - flew back and resumed eating seemingly-invisible food off the road (they didn't eat their "friend" though). You know how they say elephants are one of the few animals capable of displaying sadness when one of their kind dies (like humans), yeah? Pigeons don't.

I mean I didn't expect a bird to start crying and hold an aviary funeral service for the other bird or anything but just eating right next to the corpse of a newly dead bird was pretty... I don't even know my own feelings on the matter.

So then I started analysing why they didn't give a damn. Basically everyone (besides me apparently) has seen a pigeon die before. It's common, nothing really dramatic to cry about.

That's a pretty sad reflection on society people. Seriously dude, that's messed up even by my standards.

Whatever it is that kills us eventually, I will still be sad over a life lost. No matter how often people die, I will always feel grief because of it.

Maybe that means I'll be a crap nurse. Or maybe it just means I'm really just a human.

Woah. Leanne. Fuck that's deep. O_o

Err.. Let's see, how to end this entry on a happy note...

Did you know I'm fluent in Klingon? True story. I've also been referred to as a female version of Spock. This is all from Star Trek people! :) Clearly I'm awesome and anyone will be lucky to have my babies!

See kids? The Apocalypse is a fun place to be! <3

Wet and naked.

I love my shower.

That’s where I learn a lot of my life lessons and it’s so relaxing. Ever stressed about something (like an assessment) and then taken a shower? It makes you feel more positive, calm and confident you can get over it. In the shower today I came to a few amazing conclusions (as per usual) but I’ll only talk about two of them.


1) I’m scared of commitment.

Well, not scared exactly. I just avoid it. It’s not like I have nightmares about committing. I’m not only talking about relationships by the way, although it applies to them too (I would choose to be a guy’s best friend rather than his girlfriend any day). It’s pretty much every aspect of my life.

Making plans for instance. I’m the type of person who would try and weasel out of my own birthday. I have even had conversations with people (and with myself) along these lines:

Me: “Do I have to go?”

Them: “It’s your birthday! You HAVE to go!”

Me: *cue thinking face* “Well I don’t have to go. I mean at the most it would be socially conventional for me to go”

Usually I’d have the excuse that my parents won’t let me go but that’s no longer valid since my dad’s promised to loosen up a bit (aka. I’m allowed to go to the Easter Show by myself next year – which doesn’t seem like a big deal to you but it’s like a freaking golden ticket to me). I’m more than capable of going out with these people (most of the time, unless I’m broke which is also, coincidently, most of the time too) but I choose not to.

There’s a few exceptions however. For one, I’m a sucker for guilt-trips. If my friend who’s asking me to go out happens to mention that I owe them one or that it will mean “a lot” to them if I go and they’ll be “disappointed” if I don’t go (and actually mean it) I will force myself to go. Other alternative reasons why I would show up somewhere is if I actually planned it (though I hardly plan anything) or if I really wanted to go (not often – I’m pretty damn anti-social). Or if they show up without forewarning and call me to tell me they’re there and waiting for me, I’ll make plans to see them immediately. Screw you Mr. Conscience! And yes, my conscience is a male - why else would he want to torture me? D:

So in conclusion: I’m either an avoider of commitment OR just plain anti-social.
To all those friends/people of mine who I’ve cancelled on, not shown up, or just made excuses of not going out with to: I am so sorry (but it is kind of your fault for asking me out when clearly I’m socially awkward). It’s clearly in my nature and I didn’t realise until tonight just how often I do it.

On another note, if there are any guys out there reading my blog who are also scared of commitment, ask me out so I can show up on our first date in a wedding dress. :) Hey, that would make an awesome dare...

2) An inverted penis would actually be like a vagina.

Think about it for a minute.

I mean, it’s not completely biologically correct but it’s pretty damn close.



As I said, I come up with the best conclusions in the shower. :)

The Easter Show and Magical Wands are totally related in this entry.

So as you all know (or alternatively, as I'm assuming you know), I went to The Royal Easter Show yesterday. My first time where I’m actually old enough to remember and my last year of being charged children’s admission! Ironically, I hate being patronised and treated like a kid but when I’m charged children’s prices for stuff I’m like HELL YEAH! :) That’s Asian for you.

My overall prognosis of the show now that I’ve actually been there? It’s AWESOME! I’m soo going back next year with friends! :) I’m already half-planning it and saving up for next year! Here are some of the aspects of the day that I noticed (short and summarised because I know you don’t really care):

- The Hollywood Horror House: You know those ghost rides where people just jump out in the dark to “scare” you as your carriage goes past? THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THAT! It’s a pretty expensive ride (10 coupons per person) but it was worth it! I’m a pretty logical person, I can be hanging upside down, swung around 10 stories in the air, surrounded by panicked people and I’d still remember that “Hey, it’s pretty scary but it’s safe and I’ll live”. Towards the end of the Hollywood Horror house, I thought I was going to actually die. It was so realistic. I walked in with a smile because I thought it’d be a fluke and give me something to criticise on my blog (because yes, I’ve actually begun to document events in my head to blog about) but I ended up sprinting out for my life, screaming. And that’s really something because I’m pretty cool in public (err... sure Leanne, we believe you).

However, you have to be at least 10 years old to go in. You know something will scare you shitless when it has an age limit on it. And if you’re thinking “10 years old isn’t that much”, I dare you to go in.

- I didn’t end up buying a show bag (are you proud?) but only because the ONLY one I wanted happened to have sold out already. D: Next year I’m going earlier.

- The prizes given out for games of chance are definitely rip offs. Some of them are very cute though, despite us not actually knowing what animal it is, especially like the one my sister got! [See below demotivational poster].



- The lines for rides get bad after 5pm but are pretty decent beforehand. Watching a ride before actually going on gives you a bit of an idea what it’s like. For example, we went on a car ride thingy that looked like it’ll just spin us around very quickly. I didn’t realise till I saw it in motion that it tips the car while spinning! The car is spinning and speeding and for once, it's not my fault! Before going yesterday I had NEVER been close to feeling sick from a ride. But the excitement and combination of rides got to me and I ended up almost-throwing up. While I was trying to control myself, my dad decides THIS is the perfect time to pull out the camera and take a photo of me. I think my face explains it all.



- People who work there either hate life or are very pushy. The only exception is that awesome clown lady and vegetable man in front of the Hollywood Horror House (did I mention how awesome that place is?).



Anyways, we went to a 3 hour mass tonight to compensate for having so much fun yesterday because that’s apparently how the world works to my parents. We got these candles which were hardly used other than in the first 10 minutes of the actual mass. So this is what I made from my candle:



I didn't realise I was doing it without thinking till about halfway through. I fiddle with stuff when I'm standing/sitting/kneeling still and evidently, I had Harry Potter on my mind at the time. By the time I did realise I was slowly shaving off layers of candle wax it was too late. There was a large pile of candle shavings and let's just say, it was pretty incriminating when the lights came on. Opps.

And being me, the first thing I say out loud to surrounding onlookers staring accusingly at the pile of wax shavings on the carpet around me is "I have really bad dandruff okay?".

Yes you read that right, I said that out loud. Because I'm not only weird on my blog, I'm also like this in real life.

I’m actually thinking of selling it and because there’s not a market for this product yet (mainly due to the complete lack of demand), I can set my prices to anything I want! :D So the authentic handmade by the amazing Leanne magical wand is priced at around $200. There’s only one in stock! So call me to negotiate a price and payment method now!

Oh and in case you just lunged at the phone and frantically started to dial my number before realising that you don’t have my number and that NO ONE calls me – even if they’re dying (which is understandable because calling emergency health services is more suitable in that situation), this is a joke! Also since a lot of people are asking, no I do not actually want to date anyone at the moment! They’re not asking me out (I wish <= see what I did there? Admit it, that messed with your head), they just ask if I’m serious and completely mad for posting that online.

The part I find funny is the fact that they read all my weird ramblings but the second I mention dating, all of the sudden THAT'S the weird thing! Dating me isn't weird, it's gross. Weird things are cool, dating isn't cool. Maybe I’m a sane person in an insane world. :) Yeah, I think I’ll go with that, you’re all mad. You, not me.

I'm still alive.

In case my readers were wondering. I've just been very lazy recently. :)

Why did I disappear from blogging for a while? Because I'm cool like that, okay? Not a really cool excuse (the very-lame "I've-been-doing-uni-work") but I'm sticking to it! :D

Here's an update on everything you've missed while I was away:
- Vacuumed
- Fed the dog a few times
- Done some uni work
- Hung out with a friend
- Had some pretty awesome conversations with myself

Therefore, since not a lot has happened this entry will basically be me rambling about whatever comes to mind while typing (oh yeah, I'm playing it by ear, how awesome am I?).

The first thing that comes to my mind is my Ranga Breeding Program. I'm pretty sure most of my friends have been told about it but for those of you who don't know, I'm obsessed with red heads. There's this one red head who catches same bus as me home, daily at around 4pm-ish and I always sneak glances at him on the bus. He wears these fingerless gloves and usually a band shirt and he's just totally cute!!

He's stopped catching the bus some time last year (I wonder why?). O_o Anyone got any guesses?

Anyways, the program. You see, because I'm obsessed with red heads, it's really sad when there aren't that many around these days. :( You know what there are heaps of? Asians. Why? Because our genes are dominant (Oh yeah, with the chains and whips and everything). Hence, unless a red head has babies with another red head or a blonde (strawberry blondes - the next best thing), there will be problems.

Hence, I've been slowly collecting blondes and redheads and recruiting them into a breeding program. It makes sense huh? :) Well, I'll just ignore the fact that usually when I ask people to join the Ranga breeding program they usually say yes and then laugh as if it's a joke. It's not. *serious face* '_'

Obviously I can't be involved in the actual breeding process because my genes are far too dominant.

Oh woah! :D I just google image searched "Redheads" (to make another demotivational image for the blog) and they are all soo pretty! I feel so ugly now, damn! D: I mean, how do you even get to be that pretty? Seriously google it, I promise no porn will come up :) <= See what I did there? With the over-use of smileys? I'm guilty of this because I try to inject as much emotion into my words as possible. The cover letter for my resume used to be a massive smiley face but then "Watchman" came out and made it try-hard. :( Haha, I'm just kidding with you - or am I? O_o Now we'll never know...



See?

Anyways, seeing as this topic is getting quite self-demotivating, change of topic. Today I had one of my friends over and had to clean the house before she came - according to my dad's wishes. All the while thinking to myself "she honestly wouldn't care/notice and she's also white".

Seriously, my bedroom on it's messiest day is cleaner than most people's on their cleanest (I'm scared of germs remember?). But oddly enough, despite my irrational fear of things that can kill me (aka. EVERYTHING), I really like mice. I want pet mice, they're soo cute with their little paws and cute pink ears! :D

If you think mice are yuck, then maybe you'll make an exception for this little guy:

He's only one step away from being a mouse! :D

Oh that's an idea, if people don't start telling me what they want for their birthdays - or just not mention their birthday in the first place - I'll resort to buying them mice. Yeah, I can see it now :)

Me: "Hey babes, I got you a pressie ;D" (I have no idea why I talk like this in my re-enactments)
Birthday person: "Oh, what is it?"
Me: "Close your eyes and hold our your hand ;P"
*Let's assume they do exactly that and I put a live mouse in their hands*
Me: MUHAHAHA! Stinking HUMAN! >:D

No I probably won't do that because they may spaz out and hurt the mouse. And I'd rather see a human get hurt than a poor innocent mouse (first sign of being a psychopath is caring more about animals than humans - according to books and movies).

On another note, I'm not a paranoid freak, seriously. Have you ever just took a moment to think about how easily you could die RIGHT NOW if something were to go wrong (unlikely but not impossible)? Like if you look around you right now, chances are you're in one of these scenarios:

- You're in a public place, surrounded by people you don't know. Any one of them could be on the brink of breaking point. The guy alone who's checking his phone? He's stressed out because this is the 5th time a girl has stood him up. All it takes is one wacko human to kill. Remember, it only takes seconds to kill and only a moment to die.

- You're alone in your room, where do I start? The light from the lamp will explode, the roof will collapse, your table will give out and you'll break your legs when it falls, you have a stalker outside your window, can anyone hear you scream with your music that loud?

- You're out somewhere natural (ie. a creek), no-one can hear you scream, there's a rapist in the woods, insects, slugs, LEECHES!, spiders, algae (yes I'm scared of this too), dark water where you can't see what's in it, mosquitoes (and malaria), etc.



If you still don't believe me, just leave a comment about a scenario and I'll tell you exactly what can go wrong. Seriously, think about how fragile you are. Your heart is nothing but a muscle. Muscle tissue can tear. O_o

Or is this another just-me thing? :S

One of my friends got new underwear today. I asked them if it was batman or superman themed. Apparently, I'm the only one who has superhero underwear. Well fine! I'm still cool right? Right? Guys...? *silence*

Anyways, I'm off now (hope I didn't freak you out too badly this time). I would say sorry for wasting your time, but I really am not. :)

Oh and just one parting confession: I'm going Easter Show tomorrow - and yes there will be someone at home so don't even think about robbing me!

Maybe I'll even get a show bag! *cue audience shock: Leanne you hypocrite!*

Two of the many countless things which creep me out but not normal people.

I hate birthdays.

It's nothing personal to do with the person or anything. I like people - most times. I collect specimens and then I call them my friends. Every one of my FB friends are specimens worth collecting because I like them, they're weird, or just "special" - except one of them who's only on there for me to keep track of and because I have a high tolerance to idiots. :P Most don't know this of course *everyone de-friends me*. D:

No, correction, I hate buying gifts for someones birthday. I'll tell you through the example of today's ordeal:

Today I decided (or rather, had to) leave my lair today and shop around for a birthday gift to give tomorrow. For those of you who don't know me that well, I ABSOLUTELY SUCK at giving gifts (and I'm also an impulse buyer so now I have some Pringles *onom nom nom*). Mainly because something that I think is cool, is not actually cool to other people. For example, I wanted a pillow shaped like a floppy disc. How many people do you know want a pillow shaped like a floppy disc?!



On another note, I ended up getting that beloved pillow for my birthday from the guy who I'm currently buying birthday presents for! See how good he is at choosing gifts? CURSE YOU! May you never breed, or else you'll have children who are awesome at giving gifts making all the future mini-Leanne clones suffer (because let's face it, I'm not going to breed ;_;)!

You know what really drives me insane? A lot of things... But what I'm only going to talk about one: when you ask the birthday boy/girl what they'd like and they say they don't want anything. What does that even mean? From now on, I DEMAND people make a birthday list of things they want or else I'll err... blog about you? *weak Leanne, very weak* SHUT UP, stupid voice in my head who somehow manges to type.

Anyways the point is, I'm going to end up buying you something so just tell me what you want (as long as it's in my price range - come on I'm Asian). Greedy people who demand their "friends" buy them a $400 straightener should be shot. :)

In conclusion, I ended up buying a mystery gift (which I find totally awesome but he probably won't), money (to make up for the disappointment of the mystery gift) and a card (expensive because I can).

The card is what's going to kill me! D: Have you ever read a letter/card that was soo emotional that it makes you want to throw up? Yeah, I pretty much invented those. Some people are emotional drunks, some people are emotional-card-writers. I'm trying to stop it from being too sugary sweet but it just ends up sounding insensitive. Oh how I wish I could simply sign my name and be done with it!

The ONLY thing worse than having to buy someone else a gift is planning your own birthday *shudder*. I mean the party in itself is fun but every year I say to myself "Okay, I'm actually going to plan a party this year" but when my birthday comes around: "Meh. Too much work, would rather be anti-social at home". Of course I couldn't do that last year because some of my best friends arranged a really cool surprise party (which made me feel guilty for not planning something myself). Hence, this year I swear to plan something - even if it is just a little dinner with close friends. :)

Now that all my readers know of my pledge of birthday-party-planning, you have the right to hurt me inhumanely if I don't. Yay for torture!


Weird fetishes.

Okay I know being scared of people with a foot fetish or some other gross body part is normal. But the WEIRDEST, SCARIEST fetish I've ever encountered is: The Asian Fetish. *cue dramatic music*

Allow me to start by saying... WHYYYY? Seriously why? Are you completely insane? Do you know what Asian females are like? ME! They're like ME (appearance-wise not personality, luckily no one has my personality)!

Whenever some guy comes up to me and says "I like Asian women", the only circumstances in which this could happen are:

1. He's psychotic

2. He's lying

3. He's trying to get into my pants -hah, I can dream right?-

4. He's drunk or under the influence of other drugs

5. Trying to recruit me into a brothel.

It's weird. But then again, judging by the fact but my dream guy would be a red head from Scotland who rides a green motorbike and has a big forehead, I'm not a good person to ask about weirdness.

Things we never admit to doing but everyone knows we do it anyways.

Yesterday I had a very pleasant surprise when someone on FB told me that she "genuinely" enjoys reading my ramblings. This is amazing for a variety of reasons, mainly that:

1. Someone understands what I'm rambling about.
2. Someone actually reads my blog - probably because of boredom - and hence, brings my total collective audience to 2 people (including myself, yes I often read my blog and laugh again at everything I've typed. Oh I'm so clever).

On the downside: she's probably going insane - if she isn't already just from exposure to this blog. Yay for insanity!

Today's topic will basically be exactly what the title of this blog states. I'm quite aware a handful (a very small handful - like a toddler's hand) of people do read my blog but I know that most of them would never admit to such blatant blasphemy! :o

Anyways, here's a bunch of things we all do but will never admit to doing (the majority of us):

1. Pooping.

I was in class a few weeks back and we were talking about pooping/excretion of waste/stool/etc. You know society is pretty much lost when the teacher was basically giggling at the very word "poop". Everyone in the class - not including me, I was too busy observing more human specimens - avoided eye-contact and shifted nervously in their seats while we listened to the teacher lecture on about a highly-exaggerated account of the effects of severe constipation.

This is of course, completely normal!

However, I do nursing. I am a part of the next generation of nurses and most of them can't bring themselves to say poop, the remainder can't say it without laughing hysterically.

Doctor: "Excuse me Mr. Springer, I'm afraid you're going to have to go into surgery soon."
Patient: "Oh God! What is it? What's the cause of the abdominal pain?"
Doctor: "You suffer from bowel obstruction caused by severely-delayed excretion and resulting constipation. It is actually a very serious but manageable illness. With the proper treatment, we can avoid further complications and undo all the damage."
Patient: *in shock* "All because I didn't poop?"
Nurses: *giggling* "Poop... He said POOP!" xD

Fail.

Believe it or not, everyone poops. Megan Gale? Yeah she poops. Miranda Kerr? Oh yeah. Taylor Swift? Yeap, even she must get diarrhoea sometimes.

Justin Bieber? -Oh God please don't say it- Yes! Even he poops. :)

GAHHH! The images! What has been imagined, can not be unimagined! D:



2. Taking free samples with no intention of buying the product.

We've all encountered the free-food sample lady/man in our supermarkets. When I was younger I would walk past them SUPER SLOW and pretty much made it so obvious that I wanted a sample that she/he just gave some to me for the sake of getting rid of me/ or because of pity.

I am shameless.

Well I was. Nowadays I avoid the free sample person like the plague. I feel guilty if they give me a free sample and I DON'T buy it, especially when I can. This poor person has been standing and preparing little pieces (very little - if they could make samples microscopic and still have the taste, it would be) all day and how often does someone actually buy the product? ... More often than you think, but still not that often.

You know that awkward moment when you're eating the sample and they stare at you? This is what I've always imagined they were thinking:

"I'm trusting her with this sample, will she buy it? My heart has been broken soo many times today with non-sample-buyers, will she do the same? My heart is so cold, my spirit is so broken, oh please, I NEED this sale to feed my family. Please take pity on me!"

So that's the point where I often cave in and buy the product - even if I will NEVER eat it!

"My heart is shattered into - oh wow, are you actually going to buy this product? I can't believe that worked! SUCKER!"

Which will lead to this typical Asian event (which may or may not have already occurred)- Imagine this with an Asian accent:

*Leanne comes home with a bunch of pizza bases*
Family: "You do realise it's cheaper to just order pizza than to buy all the ingredients and spend the time making it right?"
Me: "But THIS would be healthier! At least according to the sample lady..."
Family: "Yes, but Pizza Hut would be CHEAPER!"

Oh by the way, the pizza base tasted terrible. Which may be because we didn't end up putting any toppings on it -other than textured tomato paste- due to the fact that we didn't want to spend the time or money on the toppings... O_o

You're probably wondering why I don't just take the sample, say I'll buy it and then walk away - or maybe you're not wondering that at all but for the sake of this blog I'm going to assume you are! I simply can't! They usually have the stall RIGHT NEXT TO the sample stand. They watch you like hawks -more like vultures- and they have already mastered the unique skill of guilt-tripping someone.

To my readers who are managers/deputy managers at supermarkets: Shame on you for subjecting the public -or just me- to such HORROR! D:

It's odd how if they're giving it away for free, we're more likely to eat it (I'm referring to the food samples and not the samples of detergent or something. Unless you were really hungry) than if we had the choice to actually buy it. For example, OMG FREE TOMATO PASTE? Oh yes, I can really taste the textures more with this paste. How often do you go to the fridge craving textured tomato paste?! Seriously? Unless you're like me, in which case - pretty much all the time...

Let me tell you the circumstances in which free samples are given:

1. To promote a new product - may or may not be bad.

2. To get rid of products to bring in new ones/new stock: This is the one they don't want you to know about. It's a CONSPIRACY - well not really but I need to make at least one claim today or I'll explode! Seriously, to be safe check the expiry date before you buy a sample product.

3. To make socially awkward people like Leanne feel socially awkward. Congratulations, you've succeeded in highlighting my strangeness in a supermarket.


3. Watch porn/masturbate.

Don't lie. '_'

You're on a Government database. They regulate the porn industry you know, yeah, true story.

Unless you're like me. I don't have any genitalia. It's just a black hole so I can't masturbate and I see no point in watching porn. The fact that I have a black hole instead of a sexual organ is also the reason I often do not wear pants at home.

In fact, I never wear pants. If you think I am wearing pants it's probably because you've been sucked into the black hole and in an alternate universe of Leanne-wearing-pants world. Which is exactly like this world, but I'm wearing pants. I'm not sure if the alternate me has genitals or if she's as cool as this version of me, so you'll have to ask her when you see her.



You know I've been spelling masturbate as 'masterbate' or 'mastabate' for ages until one of my friends corrected me? Well I apologise for that but I don't really find the need to spell it that often.

Some mysteries about women. (The explained version)

Today I'm exceptionally more brain-dead than usual so I'll have to squeeze quite hard for any creative brain-juices to come out. I'd like to apologise in advance for the dull-humour of this entry.

This entry is going to explain some (three in total) of the mysteries about women that we've all wondered at one point - or this could be one of the just-me things again:


1. Why do females go to the bathroom together (most times)?


Females often go to the bathroom together just because they can. Let me assure you, there is no conspiracy or lesbian porn going on behind those bathroom doors, which is what most males assume happen.

For all those of you who have yet to notice: women often travel in packs. In the event that one of them have to go to the bathroom ALONE, they feel vulnerable and naked. Like everyone is looking at them and judging them for going ALONE! Did I mention they were alone?!

Basically, women go to many places (not only bathrooms) together for the sake of showing the world they have a friend.

"Hey look everybody, I have a friend! I'M COMPLETELY NORMAL! :D"

I avoid going to bathrooms with people. But that's purely because I'm a tiny bit of a... Okay I admit it: I pretty much just come short of shitting bricks over germs okay? I carry hand sanitiser and feel naked without having it on me.

Also, I see no point in standing in a cesspool of germs, waiting for one of my girl friends to finish their business when I can just wait outside in a - still unhygienic - but slightly better environment.

Unless there's a boring/annoying person outside, then yeah I'll come in.


2. Can women actually go into heat?

Yes, we do go into a human-type of 'heat'. Every month, the female body raises the size of a girls breasts, dilates her pupils, increases the pitch of her voice and her body releases pheromones into the air around her. Basically, she's sending a subconscious signal to men around her that she is - in fact - ready to "mate".

Yeah sure, as if men need to wait for a cue.

Think of it this way: remember pms? I mean who would seriously be able to forget?! Well this is like the calm before the storm. Enjoy it while you can but leave EVERYTHING behind when all shit breaks lose.

It must be mating season.

On another note, wouldn't it be awesome if men actually got nose-bleeds when they get turned on? They would not be able to hide it then and women would have yet ANOTHER reason to glare at men. BUT HE DESERVED IT! :P



Ahh women, we are so volatile it's fun.







3. And finally: What happens when you eat a girl?

She dies.

And you'll get arrested.


So I hope this guide has helped you somewhat in understanding women. Personally I believe all humans are pretty easy to understand, if you observe enough specimens in their natural environments for long enough. :)

I'm so proud of one of my guy friends, he sent me a text saying that's he's been thinking a lot about it and he's - finally - decided to learn KLINGON! YES! Now I can converse with another human being and write messages in Klingon and stuff! This will be soo awesome. Best part of my day.

Oh and I vacuumed the house and finished watching Invader Zim! That's pretty cool too.

Whipped cream

Is actually quite bland in taste. *cue applause* I should really consider writing a book with all my “epiphanies” in it.

No but seriously, tonight’s blog will begin with the ‘issue’ of men being ‘whipped’ for their girlfriend/fiancé/wife. For those of you who happen to not know what ‘whipped’ means – don’t laugh at them, I just recently discovered what DTF means – it’s when a guy basically will rip out his heart because the girl he’s with asked him to.

Fatal but so very sweet.

And NO, I’m not going to tell you what DTF means because it is DISTURBING! People are sick nowadays. I mean, I’ve seen blue waffles, I’ve read about the human centipede, but DTF is just UNREASONABLE (the other two things are also pretty gross but one is a medical condition and the other is a horror film so that’s understandable, there is NO EXCUSE for DTF)!

Anyways, personally I believe there’s no better feeling in the world for a girl than having their own personal male/female human slave (not in an S&M way or anything) – or any slave for that matter (I’ve been watching too much Invader Zim! Have you watched it? It’s awesome, you should totally watch it. I’m in love with Zim!).

And you know what’s the best thing about having a boyfriend who is COMPLETELY whipped over you?

It’s like a legal form of slavery. :)

Tragic?

Yes. But still legal nonetheless.

There’s something truly horrifying about seeing a grown man crawling on his knees and grovelling over a girl. Emotions are nothing more than chemicals in your body after all and you’d think they’d manage to maintain some form of self-control. Girls are capable of being ‘whipped’ over their partners as well.

But our emotions control us don’t they?

Talking about horrifying things, I know a group of bad-ass looking guys. These men look like they’re easily capable of murder and other horrible and unmentionable but still questionable things.



However, despite their terrifying exteriors, they are the BIGGEST GIRLS you’ll ever meet! I love them all dearly. People see me hanging around their group and they want to ‘rescue’ me or something. Which is ironic, because most of the time I AM the one who keeps them in line. Oh yes, you read that right. I’m tougher than I look. :) No seriously.

I’m kidding about the whipping thing by the way. I think it’s cute when a guy waits out in the rain for a girl to finish work with a bunch of flowers and a teddy bear or if he does the whole romantic home-cooked (partially-unintentionally-burnt) dinner thing with rose petals, or he actually remembers to celebrate your anniversary. Things which a guy still has yet to do for me but meh, I’m not complaining (actually I am but shhh!). *warning glare*

It’s sweet, but there are times when it’s... overpowering. To say the least.

For example:

- Sweet: A guy buying a girl a teddy bear

- Over-doing it: Hunting real bear, trapping it, and giving it to her as a pet

- What Leanne would do/like: Sticky-taping about ten thousand of those furry monster soft toys onto your partners' car

OR

- Sweet: A treasure hunt with you at the end asking her to date you

- Over-doing it: Kidnap her, put her through a series of tests and puzzles and the reward for passing them would be her life (e.g. Saw).

- What Leanne would do/like: Giving them a find-a-word with the leftover letters spelling out “Will you go out with me?” Oh and to really drive them insane, make it so that one of the words aren’t actually in the find-a-word, so they think the message will actually be something else.

I talk big and tough but if you people have ever seen me in a relationship (yes, it’s rare but it does happen once every blue moon), I’m SO sweet. Seriously, people get toothaches from being around me for extended periods of time when I’m infatuated. *The cliché is terrible D:*

ANYWAYS, onto another topic.

Tonight, one of my girlfriends and I went to Dan Murphy’s to buy some alcohol for a friends upcoming 21st (I actually got invited to this party – how cool am I?). For those of you that don’t know me amazingly well (because I’m oh-so-mysterious), I don’t drink a lot. It’s very rare that I do.

Why? No reason, I just don’t particularly like the taste. Oh wait! That IS a reason! Opps.

Anyways, because of my aversion to the drink of Satan (I joke, I joke, I love orange juice), you can imagine my surprise when for a few bottles of alcohol; the price came up to around $250! FRRREEEAAAKK! Woah.

I mean woah. I had no idea alcohol costs that much! I mean, what’s in it? Liquid gold? The elixir for eternal youth? The reason we went to Dan Murphy’s was to SAVE money (and apparently we did) on the drinks!

Stuff that shit, we’re having juice poppers for my 19th. You have two choices: orange or pineapple juice. Choose wisely because I’m rationing them, one popper per person per 2 hours!

HAHAHAHA! Oh it’s funny because I can imagine that happening. :D

Oh God, I miss my Thursday university crew! I’m beginning to forget their faces! *oh crap* Sorry guys, no hard feelings if I don’t recognise you when I see you after e-learning week yeah?

You know what I find “typically-Leanne”? I can write over 700 words EASILY for my blog, but when it comes to a 1500 word essay, it’ll take me weeks. The irony kills me.

Not literally though, I’ll blog again tomorrow! *collective audience sigh* I like directing my readers :)

Last name nicknames.

You know all those really cool people in high school who got called by their last name instead of their first name? Like, wow, you're so cool because you rebel against the social convention of answering to your first name and go by your last name instead which also subconsciously implies that you're superior and should be respected! Either that or your first name is difficult or impossible to pronounce (like mine is, Leanne is one of my middle names. I don't like it but at least it's pronounceable).

I remember having some friends (so very long ago - no seriously) that I'd only know by their last names. It's like, "Hey Smith, how's it going man?" but then one day I would find out their real first name and it'd be equivalent to my reaction if they pulled an alien out of their ass.

"Omg, you're name has been Anthony all along? Damn... I'm still going to call you Smith. Because I'm cool like that. O_o"
OR:
"Omg, you just pulled an alien out of your ass. Had it been in there all along? Damn... I'm going to pretend I didn't see that. Because I'm cool like that. O_o"

See what I mean? Relatively no difference.

I know some people who have wicked names, like this guy with "Crimson" as his last name (how awesome is that?) or weird first names like "Lindsay" or "Henry" or "Bryoni". Just really strange names which stand out and make that person interesting before you even speak to them. Not like "Micheal", I know about a million of those. You know a name is really over-used when they begin spelling it in different ways to make it individual again. For example: Micheal, Michael, Mickeal, etc. Like come on! It doesn't matter HOW you spell it, it's still pronounced the same way!

You ever get the "You're more like a *insert random name here*" from people? I don't but I wish I did. Apparently, "Leanne" suits me. Do you know what comes to mind when people hear the name "Leanne"? This:

- Fat
- Boring
- Office job
- Housewife/homeworker
- Often gets chosen on "Who wants to be a millionaire" or one of those game shows where you guess the price of the object. Seriously, those are like mini-Leanne-gathering-convention thingies.

Why couldn't I have an awesome/strange name like Ivy? Or Chantalle? Or Bat woman? That would be very awesome. I'd like that very much. *hint* :)

One of my friends from uni (who's actually a gentleman most days) had a belief that all girls named "Chantalle" were whores. No matter how much I'd argue about that, he'd refuse to believe me. He even said he'd never date/marry or name his daughter Chantalle for the sake of this - absurd - belief. On another note, if your name is Chantalle, please feel free to kick his butt.

The reason why I'm complaining or teasing people who use their last names as their first names is because I'm jealous.

There I said it.



Here's a cruel life lesson: If you're Asian, you'll never be one of those cool kids who go by their last name. Seriously, I've tried.

Firstly, we don't answer to our last names.
Secondly (and probably more importantly), every second person I meet has my last name.
Thirdly, people feel racist when they call an Asian by their last name. Most of them anyways. It's just NOT done.

"Hey Vu-lady" (And no Mozilla FireFox, I did not misspell "Vu").
"What? Who said that? I'm going to kung fu his ass!"


On another note: I used the word "ass" 3 times during this blog. Because that's how cool I am. :)

My friend just reminded me that the Japanese refer to each other by their last name unless they are close. How ironic, because they're Asian. In my defence, Japanese people are classified under the super-cool names category, so it doesn't count. :P

Sex, Swearing and Balloons.

Balloons have brains. And they like to keep me from having sex.

Now before you go off and phone a mental institution to turn me in for psychological instability, allow me to clarify first. You remember all those times when you were (or still are) a kid and you’d keep a helium filled balloon in your room/house for days after you received it? And when it deflates a little, you can treat it like a pet and use the ribbon string thing as a leash to walk it? Have you ever tried to teach it to do tricks and watch it wander around the place, exploring?

No?

Okay, just me then. '_'

If you haven’t done it, then you haven’t lived! I suggest that you get a partially-deflated-balloon pet (or maybe you have a life, in which case I completely understand you're inability to fit in balloon pets)! It kept me entertained for hours but then again I’m a err... I’m strange okay?

Anyways, how do balloons keep me from having sex?

Okay picture this: I’m trying to be flirtatious/seductive (stop laughing this isn't the funny part!) and let’s just say for the sake of argument, it somehow – magically – manages to work on this amazing geeky guy! Now imagine we’re going to kiss each other and then BAM! Balloon pet floats down on top of our heads and sticks to our hair due to static.

It’s like your pet dog jumping on you when your naked – which is a total cock-block.

Except in the case of a balloon pet, it’s funny.

So obviously, due to my nervousness, disbelief and the randomness of the situation, I do the worst thing a seductress could do while – you know – seducing her man. I laugh.

Imagine pulling down your pants only to see the girl or guy you’re with laugh, quite loudly.

This was pretty much his facial expression after hearing me laugh and possibly due to finding out about my balloon pets:


This is all figurative, I swear! Oh wait... YES! I totally get geeky guys throwing themselves at me ;D I'm just THAT irresistible.

Seriously though, I've had this blog for a few days, someone ask me out already! D: Even though I can't have sex... Why can't I have sex? See below:

a) I find balloon pets cute and funny.
b) Sex isn’t cute and funny.
c) I’ll only want to have sex with a guy who has balloon pets.
d) Therefore, I will never have sex.

Are you following? O_o

It'll make more sense if you read this blog hanging upside down in a cave with a pink cat playing a ukulele. I swear, do it.

ANYWAYS! Moving on to a less/more awkward topic: Swearing.

I know people who can swear and get away with it. I even know people who can swear and make it sound like poetry, the most elegant and sweetest lullaby ever known to man-kind! For these people, no matter the situation, place or time it sounds COMPLETELY natural. Like my little sister, for example, who has the unique ability to sugar-coat swear words and insults so that people think they’re hilarious and cute. I remember one time, I had one of my guy friends over and she picked up a mat that my furry dog , Lucy (now passed, God I miss her), slept on. She dusted the mat OVER him! And then what did he do? He dusted the fur off and laughed! If I did that, he would’ve ripped off my balls - after giving me a lecture and making me feel guilty! D: Do you feel the INJUSTICE?!

Clearly, I’m not one of these magic-getting-away-with-swearing people.

When I swear it is almost equivalent in weirdness as when parents use those ‘bad words’. I’m sure this doesn’t just happen to me but when my parents swear, I forget EVERYTHING that they were just talking about and go into freak out mode. My facial expression freezes and my mind races and repeats the word they just used over and over again. I’m in complete disbelief with my “poker face” on. So it turns out, that even at 18 years of age, I’m still as influential and susceptible to swearing/cussing as a 3 year old. FML.

The only sign people can read to see if I’m freaking out is that apparently, I look constipated when I do.

Yeah, my poker face is my constipated face, you've got a problem with that?

And my sex face is my freak out face.

In conclusion: When I’m constipated I either have a poker face or look incredibly sexy.

So I just did what I usually do when I discover something amusing/different/weird/etc. in this world. I over-analysed it (I am female after all). How come some people can't get away with swearing, whilst others can use it in a church hymn and still get off Scott-free (what is up with “Scott-free” anyways? Who is Scott and why is he free? Or more importantly, why hasn't he asked me out?)? If I spelt that wrong, I apologise but refuse to correct for the overall comical effect of this blog.

Then it occurred to me: whenever I swear, I PAUSE beforehand! That slight hesitation makes people pay attention and hence, freak out more about the swearing. I have yet to test out this theory – ...

Okay my sister just walked into my room and I said “Hey Donna, sh*&, pu@#$, fu#$, di*&”. She was normal in approaching me for the first three words but I hesitated before the fourth and THAT was when she had the “oh my god, she’s gone mad” expression. Hence, I’ve proven my theory. YAY!

NOTE: Swearing/cursing/cussing is not good for your health (especially if you have Asian parents)! If you’re under 18 years of age, I highly suggest not doing it. Not because there’s an age limit on it or anything, but because you scare me when you do. Unless you're one of those poetry-swearing artists, if so, I'm a big fan of your work.

If all else fails...

Use this line:

You: "Hey I'm invisible"
Her: "No you're not"
You: "Can you see me?"
Her: "Yes"
You: "How about tomorrow night? ;)"

DON'T CONTINUE READING UNLESS YOU WANT TO HAVE YOUR DREAMS CRUSHED.

.
.
.
Her: "Go fuck a landmine"
You: "..."
Her: *cue physical abuse that women can do publicly and get away with*
You: Ouch.

You read it didn't you? Here's something that will cheer you up:

How to get a girl (guaranteed or your money back)!

In our cut-throat world, it's survival of the fittest. We don't really see it but it's there, thinly-veiled underneath all the business suits and seemingly "civilised" behaviour. Natural selection is all around us: the most attractive applicant gets the job, the richest guy gets the women, and the man-whore gets the STDs (also known as Karma).



Alright, let me just say that I - alone - can not account for all the females on Earth, or any of the other planets (if alien women is how you roll). I can however, count on my extensive knowledge of girls EXACTLY like me. So basically, due to the universal concept of individuality, it's just me.

This is a guide to picking me up. '_'

"Remember, you are an individual. Just like everybody else."

Step ONE: The introduction - Unleash your inner geek
The main thing you want to do is be memorable without being creepy. This is a skill honed in over time and can actually be very difficult if common sense is absent. Let me give you some examples:

WIN: If you really want to get a girl, I suggest trying geeky humour/pick-up lines. There's nothing more alluring than a guy who not only plays Dungeons and Dragons (DnD) but is the Dungeon Master (DM). For everyone out there who thinks the DM is something kinky. Let me tell you, it's not. If you're worried about being overly-geeky to the point of repulsion, let me tell you a secret. If you're going to go geeky, go all the way! Don't half-ass it. Seriously man, aim to be like... Sheldon Cooper, with a penis.

FAIL: It's great to be a geek, but please try to keep in mind that you were a male first. Don't let gaming/programming/reading/work eat up all your time! Girls like being chased. Not physically chased or anything illegal like this:



Oh god, I hope that is illegal. :/

But like a sweet, slightly-persistent chase.

You: "But Leanne, how will we know if the girl simply doesn't want us to chase her? How do we know if she's playing hard to get or not? D: Please help me!"

Well, my little, random, anti-social buddy :) Try to look for simple signs that you're presence is not welcome:
- She avoids talking to you, not because she's cheap and has no credit (like me), but because she honestly doesn't like talking to you.
- She's having a party and doesn't invite you.
- She tells you to "go away". I think you should start taking her seriously before she starts crying and finds an axe/chainsaw/etc.
- She hides from you whenever you're in the same room as her: evident when you see her nose-diving underneath a table in your peripheral vision.
- Her body language is stiff and unwelcoming and she replies - if she replies at all - with one liners.
- She avoids asking you questions (i.e. she doesn't ask how your day was after you ask how hers was).
- She calls the police and invests in full body armour, a bodyguard and self-defence training.

If a girl does all of these things plus more actions which can only be classified as hostile. It MIGHT mean she doesn't like you.

Step TWO: The date.
So you have finally managed to talk to a potential mate (you seriously should consider not referring to them as "potential mates". Oh and while you're at it, stop calling sex "breeding", it's cute but weird. So unless you want to attract weird women - like me - stop it) and you've managed to succeed in asking for a date - and for the sake of argument, she said yes.

Some of the rules of dating (which you don't like but probably do anyways):
- Men pay: don't be stingy, that's for the girls.
- If she pays, your chances of a relationship plummet as she only thinks of you as a friend, or she pities your bank account. But what if she's a bit of a feminist and wants to pay for herself? Well here's some news: screw equality of the genders when it comes to paying! >:(
- Try to do something fun like take her out dancing/ laser tag/ picnic/ shopping (WARNING: this activity only works if you're willing to be girly and shit money)! Dinner and/or movies are stereotypical and she's been on hundreds of those so their appeal-factor is pretty low.
- Don't stare at her when she eats.
- Don't laugh when she doesn't even say anything funny. It's weird. Stop it. Now. '_'

Step THREE: Marriage (because according to my sister, my blog is taking too long).
1. Get a ring.
2. Get on one knee.
3. Propose.
4. Shut down brain and don't think of the future (if you haven't already done that before step 1).

So clearly, after reading this blog. You're set for life - yay! Hahaha, I'm kidding, you've just spent 5 minutes of your life that you will NEVER get back. Not even if you kill me now :)

On another totally-unrelated note, is anyone planning on asking me out? ;D

My big, throbbing...

Headache.

Oh my, were you expecting I say something else? :o

At this moment, I am currently experiencing my first headache ever! You know, as opposed to my first headache since last week or something. But despite my head aching and all that jazz, I've - quite heroically - crawled towards my laptop and posted yet another entry (as promised). I don't know why but I honestly don't think I could live with myself until I waste another 5 or so minutes of your life reading this. :)

So what was it that took my headache virginity?

The Easter Show ride and show bag guide in the Sunday Telegraph today.

Yes, I lost my headache-virginity to an Easter show guide. '_' *poker face* And yes, it was very painful.

Okay, so I've only been to the Easter show once before, when I was a baby, but I don't count that as actually going because I have no memories of it. I, however, do have photographic evidence of me with my chubby cheeks and wide open eyes proving that I was actually there once upon a time. And that my parents were actually once cool.

As a result, ever since I could remember, I'd read and re-read (to the point of obsession) the guide every year that it was released and dreamt of going again one day: riding all the rides and buying all the show bags. This year was a little different (evident by the headache). I came upon a revelation, which I admit that people have been repeatedly telling me for years but I've chosen to ignore till now.

Show bags are a rip off.



<= Look how happy these kids are, if you ever want happiness in your life, you must buy these show bags or you'll end up a sad, old person with only cats to keep you company. Yay for consumerism! :D





They suck you in with "It's worth $1234 but you only have to pay $20!". If it's too good to be true, it is. I mean, I was tempted to buy the Batman themed ones but restrained myself. Let me tell you what show bags really contain:

- Chocolates and candy that cost about $1 to mass-produce and are sold for $10. Ironically, they all have the "not for individual sale" label on them, despite the fact that they are often sold individually.

- Bags/backpacks/messenger bags/totes that are not only poor-quality, but you will probably never use them in your life. I'm guilty of owning some of these bags. :(

- Toys which are not only amusing for about 2 minutes at most but will break easily, if not instantly, and can be bought for 50c-$2 at Cabbramatta (yes, we Asians make that crap and you buy it - so who's more stupid now huh?).

- Packaging. Lots of it.

- Coupons which you can either get from the actual website instead of buying the show bags, or require you to first buy something. Remember, nothing is free. Except me, I'm free this Easter, wanna hang? ;D

- Product advertising on EVERYTHING you receive. I mean seriously, it's not really a good deal to get a laptop case if it has the brand name ALL OVER IT - especially if the brand is something boring.

- Passing fads. However, there doesn't seem to be any twilight or vampire/werewolf show bags (which is a shame because there will be about a billion tweens/ single-middle-aged-women-with-very-loud-biological-clocks there who will gladly pay $40 for a pencil case with Jacobs nipple on it). On another note, anyone want to help out in my twilight merchandise stall? We'll be billionaires by the time Easter is over. All thanks to Jacob's nipples.

I'm laughing right now because some people probably paid $30 to see any of the twilight movies in 3D (instead of pirating it) and all they probably could think of while watching the shirtless scenes was "his nipple is the size of my head on this screen O_o".

Some other show bags that even I would consider buying, that I think they should consider introducing into the arena include:
- The Big Bang Theory themed bags
- Chuck themed bags
- Star Wars themed bags
- Naruto/popular Japanese anime/Pokemon themed bags
- Geeky/cute/cute-geeky themed bags

These would sell so quickly, it's ridiculous.

All joking aside though, I'm sure Twilight and the Easter show have their pluses and minuses and I'm not saying anything is bad or that you shouldn't go/watch it/etc. Unless you're an impulse buyer like me, in which case I'd like to suggest you avoid it like the plague. D:

Publicity

So I've just spent the last few seconds (okay, the last few hours) browsing through a few (okay, about a hundred) blogs, trying to find one worth reading. Hopefully written by a similar sarcastic, creatively-deprived mind, like mine. But no.


If you're ever curious as to what type of people blog publicly, let me introduce you to the categories I've observed:

- There are the political/ religious or cult blogs (approximately 70%).

- In another language (10%).

- There are the blogs from an animals perspective - usually full of pictures of humiliated animals wearing ridiculous animal costumes or human clothes. These range from cute to downright freaky (I kid you not, there are people out there who write blogs on behalf of their beloved feline pets. Either that or they have freaky, ninja mutant cats and the only reason these cats haven't taken over the world yet is because they're too busy typing blogs). Around 5% of all blogs fall under this category.

- Family stuff that makes it ridiculously easy for burglars (e.g. posting pictures of their kids along with pictures of their house number and street name in the background, explaining in great detail about their plans to go on vacation from this date to this date and how they haven't found anyone to look over the house and are concerned about being robbed while they're away, oh and their spare key is under the frog-shaped flower pot in case anyone is wondering, etc.). Maybe these people think to themselves, "Who one Earth would read this blog? Let's have some fun and post heaps of private information online!". What they don't seem to consider is, what happens when someone - like a bored Asian teenager - does happen to stumble upon it? This is about 10% of the blogs.

On another semi-related note, why do parents feel the need to post pictures of their children all the time? Seriously, I ran across this one blog with "Believe me, It's a hard task to take pictures while giving medicine." and a picture of a crying baby or something. Err lady? Maybe give the medication, get off the computer and pay more attention to taking care of the child's sickness instead of running off to grab a camera? Or like, wait to take the picture till AFTER the medication is given? Just a suggestion.

- 'Educational' blogs (i.e. how to make a cupcake in the shape of a telephone - actually a really good read, I'll pass on the recipe if you wish). Approximately 2%.

- 1% are from Canadians. Or somewhere else snowy. Usually with heaps of photos of mundane objects like trees, blurry people and sticks.

- And the last 2% of blogs, I haven't actually looked through.

Basically, I may pretty much be the only human being on Earth who doesn't fit into those categories. Yay for me.

Open house

I should be doing my assessments or study notes or one of the many items on my carefully planned, neatly written to-do list but instead I'm making another blog. Why? There's a lot of reasons:

1. I'm one of those annoying people who actually believe that someone out there cares about my opinions (other than my parents who will no doubt google this if they ever had an inkling that I had a blog - or better yet, they need to know what a blog actually is).

2. Inevitably, the topics of this blog may begin to revolve or involve males/females/inanimate objects and basically, any other mundane thing that comes into mind while I verbally vomit over this page. And I would like to both apologise and warn you of this.

3. Research has shown that people who blog or write down their thoughts perform better in assessments and other academic activities. No seriously. This isn't one of those, 33% of people make up statistics, crap. It's real, I remember reading it somewhere important. Google it.

4. I feel like complaining, which is hypocritical and ironic because I don't usually approve of complaining over the Internet. Cause that's how cool I am.



5. I, quite clearly, have a lot of "spare" time on my hands.

And a bunch of other reasons which I cannot muster the brain power to think up. Oh, and I promise to not write like a retard with stupid abbreviations like "dis" instead of "this". *cue applause*

The reason this is called "Open house" is not because I'm actually planning on selling my house or whatever, but because this blog is publicly-enabled and stalker-friendly - as opposed to my other, more serious, private blog. :)

On another note, check out this awesome FB event (not a virus - an event) that I created to get back at one of my good friends from uni. :)
Click this link here to attend!
That will make up the best 10 seconds you ever spend :) I mean seriously, with a picture like that (see right) as the main image, who can resist clicking "Attend"?