That’s where I learn a lot of my life lessons and it’s so relaxing. Ever stressed about something (like an assessment) and then taken a shower? It makes you feel more positive, calm and confident you can get over it. In the shower today I came to a few amazing conclusions (as per usual) but I’ll only talk about two of them.
1) I’m scared of commitment.
Well, not scared exactly. I just avoid it. It’s not like I have nightmares about committing. I’m not only talking about relationships by the way, although it applies to them too (I would choose to be a guy’s best friend rather than his girlfriend any day). It’s pretty much every aspect of my life.
Making plans for instance. I’m the type of person who would try and weasel out of my own birthday. I have even had conversations with people (and with myself) along these lines:
Me: “Do I have to go?”
Them: “It’s your birthday! You HAVE to go!”
Me: *cue thinking face* “Well I don’t have to go. I mean at the most it would be socially conventional for me to go”
Usually I’d have the excuse that my parents won’t let me go but that’s no longer valid since my dad’s promised to loosen up a bit (aka. I’m allowed to go to the Easter Show by myself next year – which doesn’t seem like a big deal to you but it’s like a freaking golden ticket to me). I’m more than capable of going out with these people (most of the time, unless I’m broke which is also, coincidently, most of the time too) but I choose not to.
There’s a few exceptions however. For one, I’m a sucker for guilt-trips. If my friend who’s asking me to go out happens to mention that I owe them one or that it will mean “a lot” to them if I go and they’ll be “disappointed” if I don’t go (and actually mean it) I will force myself to go. Other alternative reasons why I would show up somewhere is if I actually planned it (though I hardly plan anything) or if I really wanted to go (not often – I’m pretty damn anti-social). Or if they show up without forewarning and call me to tell me they’re there and waiting for me, I’ll make plans to see them immediately. Screw you Mr. Conscience! And yes, my conscience is a male - why else would he want to torture me? D:
So in conclusion: I’m either an avoider of commitment OR just plain anti-social.
To all those friends/people of mine who I’ve cancelled on, not shown up, or just made excuses of not going out with to: I am so sorry (but it is kind of your fault for asking me out when clearly I’m socially awkward). It’s clearly in my nature and I didn’t realise until tonight just how often I do it.
On another note, if there are any guys out there reading my blog who are also scared of commitment, ask me out so I can show up on our first date in a wedding dress. :) Hey, that would make an awesome dare...
2) An inverted penis would actually be like a vagina.
Think about it for a minute.
I mean, it’s not completely biologically correct but it’s pretty damn close.
As I said, I come up with the best conclusions in the shower. :)
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