Some mysteries about women. (The explained version)

Today I'm exceptionally more brain-dead than usual so I'll have to squeeze quite hard for any creative brain-juices to come out. I'd like to apologise in advance for the dull-humour of this entry.

This entry is going to explain some (three in total) of the mysteries about women that we've all wondered at one point - or this could be one of the just-me things again:


1. Why do females go to the bathroom together (most times)?


Females often go to the bathroom together just because they can. Let me assure you, there is no conspiracy or lesbian porn going on behind those bathroom doors, which is what most males assume happen.

For all those of you who have yet to notice: women often travel in packs. In the event that one of them have to go to the bathroom ALONE, they feel vulnerable and naked. Like everyone is looking at them and judging them for going ALONE! Did I mention they were alone?!

Basically, women go to many places (not only bathrooms) together for the sake of showing the world they have a friend.

"Hey look everybody, I have a friend! I'M COMPLETELY NORMAL! :D"

I avoid going to bathrooms with people. But that's purely because I'm a tiny bit of a... Okay I admit it: I pretty much just come short of shitting bricks over germs okay? I carry hand sanitiser and feel naked without having it on me.

Also, I see no point in standing in a cesspool of germs, waiting for one of my girl friends to finish their business when I can just wait outside in a - still unhygienic - but slightly better environment.

Unless there's a boring/annoying person outside, then yeah I'll come in.


2. Can women actually go into heat?

Yes, we do go into a human-type of 'heat'. Every month, the female body raises the size of a girls breasts, dilates her pupils, increases the pitch of her voice and her body releases pheromones into the air around her. Basically, she's sending a subconscious signal to men around her that she is - in fact - ready to "mate".

Yeah sure, as if men need to wait for a cue.

Think of it this way: remember pms? I mean who would seriously be able to forget?! Well this is like the calm before the storm. Enjoy it while you can but leave EVERYTHING behind when all shit breaks lose.

It must be mating season.

On another note, wouldn't it be awesome if men actually got nose-bleeds when they get turned on? They would not be able to hide it then and women would have yet ANOTHER reason to glare at men. BUT HE DESERVED IT! :P



Ahh women, we are so volatile it's fun.







3. And finally: What happens when you eat a girl?

She dies.

And you'll get arrested.


So I hope this guide has helped you somewhat in understanding women. Personally I believe all humans are pretty easy to understand, if you observe enough specimens in their natural environments for long enough. :)

I'm so proud of one of my guy friends, he sent me a text saying that's he's been thinking a lot about it and he's - finally - decided to learn KLINGON! YES! Now I can converse with another human being and write messages in Klingon and stuff! This will be soo awesome. Best part of my day.

Oh and I vacuumed the house and finished watching Invader Zim! That's pretty cool too.