Return of the Blogger! The Triology is complete, your soul is mine! [Part3 of 3]

... Seriously? You’re STILL reading this? Even with that title? You're crazy. '_'

1) Perception

I was told a few days ago that the only way people could possibly find my blog funny – or read it in the first place without going insane – is if they are able to see the world through my eyes. It’s all in their perception vs. mine.

Take this guy for example:



Normal people will probably think:

- Is he too big for the furniture? (aka. Did he grow twice his size?)
- Is the furniture too small for him? (aka. Is he sitting on a kid-sized chair?)

I’m thinking along the lines of:

- Getting small furniture won’t make your penis look bigger
- Is my depth perception off? Is he’s squatting and the chair just happens to be in the right place in the background
- I probably shouldn’t take pictures of my friends and criticise them
- But I still do it anyways :)
- Is he wearing beautiful robes that everyone can see but him, or is he naked?
- A squirrel will MAKE this picture, someone get me one, STAT! What? I don’t care if they’re not in Australia! ... Well I don’t know where you’d get one from, eBay it! Geez, so hard to get mental help nowadays! :)


2) False and Mentally Disturbing Advertisements (which actually work)

So just then a pop-up advertisement came up telling me to click to enlarge my penis size (don’t ask about what sites I visit), so I clicked it.

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And nothing happened. D’:

They LIE! WHY would they lie? It’s because I’m Asian isn’t it?

Wouldn’t it be awesome if internet advertisements actually told the truth? The slogans would go a lot like this:

- Click on this link and download a virus now!
- Do you suffer from premature ejaculation? HAR HAR HAR LOL! Sucks to be you!
- Borrow $400 and pay back $50000000000!
- This computer animated girl wants to talk to you now (and will probably take all your money)!
- Your avatar in this online game will NEVER be as lame as you! <= The internet lives on to hurt us.
- If you don’t buy this product, you will NEVER be able to live an accomplished life! (Similar to free-sample people at supermarkets).
- Shoot three of the 5 ducks down to win! IF YOU EVEN THINK OF SHOOTING ONLY TWO (as if you've never done that) AND LEADING ME ON, I WILL ASSASSINATE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. :)

Companies know no bounds when it comes to advertising. It’s a pretty well known fact that sex sells. You go past a store that sells jeans and T-shirts, which are pretty average products, but put a huge picture of a naked girl and guy wearing nothing but jeans and running around happy and it sells.



Another annoying selling strategy is the guilt-tripping (seen clearly during Mothers’ Day). I woke up last week and got a letter in the mail, my sister brought it into my room and I opened it half-asleep and started to read it to wake my mind up before getting out of bed. It was from PETA, which basically meant that on that particular morning; I woke up to the very, vivid description of skinned, dying puppies. Oh... Lovely, thanks for that. Now I feel like a terrible human being for not being a vegetarian and donating – and I quote – “At least $20 for membership which will assist this cause like a good person”.

That’s right: to be a good person, I must send my credit card details in the mail so that they can send me more letters and magazines which will make me feel even guiltier from reading them and cause me to send even more money.

OMG it’s a continuous loop! D:

Let me just clarify that I’m completely against animal cruelty but I’m doing my part by not buying fur and not eating puppies. That should be enough for you people, now let me get back to sleep. =.=


3) I’m EXISTENT!

This is a pretty random topic – oh and yes, the previous blog topics were completely normal musings (admit it, you’ve thought those things too).

I remember in high school some of my friends and I created a random joke religion called “Existentialism” or something like that, and the followers were known as “existents” (Haha, get it? It’s a pun). The theory was based on the Matrix and that no-one exists in this world but if you happened to be on a boat and drink coconut juice, we’d come back into existence and all the mythical creatures (i.e. dragons (not mythical), zombies (not mythical), phoenix, unicorns, trolls, elves, etc. => none of which are mythical to me) are actually real (to you).

No I have never used any drugs – that was me completely sober then and right now.

Since I’ve been thinking about it recently, I realised that I’ve forgotten how it all worked (all the theories), anyone from my previous high school group care to refresh my memories? I’m not trying to start a cult or something gay/crazy like that.

I’m weird and - probably unhealthily - curious but not insane. :)

P.S. I will be using people who I hardly talk to for my blog. No one is safe from my wrath. Thank you :)